Aug 17, 2012

some funny sexy english jokes

Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother!"
Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother ..."
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A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming.. She told her lover to stay like robot and not to move.
Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot i bought to have sex with when you are traveling...
Husband: Okay.. Lets have sex now...
Wife: No sweetheart.. Yesterday i got my period, so i will go and make a cup of coffee for you..
After she left the husband said: Damn i am so horny, i will fuck this robot...
He tried fucking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way..
"System error
Wrong hole
System error
Wrong hole.."
Husband: Damn robot is not working properly.. I am throwing it out of the window..
The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor he said:
"SOFTWARE UPDATED"
"PLEASE TRY AGAIN"

Aug 4, 2012

alligator shoes for blonde girls - a joke


 A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."

bite the perfect and expensive lady's breasts -joke


 A man was walking down the street when he saw a woman with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts he'd ever seen.
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.
The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.
The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.
They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.
The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"
The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."

Some funny English jokes - iraq, husband and Ferrari


Joke : I don't want to go to Iraq either
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A soldier ran up to a nun, out of breath, he asked,
“Please may I hide under your skirt? I’ll explain
later”. The nun agreed.
A moment later two military police ran up and
asked, “Sister have you seen a soldier?”
The nun replied, "He went that way. ”
After thy ran off, the soldier crawled out from
under the skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough
sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq. ”
The nun said she understood completely.
The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you
have a great pair of legs.”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher,
you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t
want to go to Iraq either



Cheating' husband and suspecting wife
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A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.