A man escapes from prison - jokes

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. 
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. 
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

joke - I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber.

Some funny mature jokes 

A)A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house and the girlfriend said to her mom, "Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mom says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun." 
When they are up their the mom hears: "Baby baby baby oh!" 
The mom walks to the door and ask, "What the hell is going on?" 
The girl says, "Mom were just having s*x." and the mom says, "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber.


B)
A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. 
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. 
"What's up?" he says. 
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. 
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The man slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.
"You b*stard," the man says," my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

joke- Similarity Between Washing Machine & Girls?

Questions : Whats the Similarity Between Washing Machine & Girls? 
Answer: Even If 1 Of These Is Not Available Then U Have To Use Ur Hands.

don't compare girl friend with moon

जसले आफ्नो गर्लफ्र्येंड लाई चन्द्रमा मान्नु हुन्छ.
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वहा हरुले एउटा कुरा के ध्यान दिनु भन्दा....
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चन्द्रमा मा १७ जना मान्छेहरु चडीसकेकाछन
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र सायद एउटा कुकुर पनि..... :D

श्रीमती श्रीमान जेठाजु तौलिया

धारामा नुहाऐर फ़र्किऐपछि श्रीमतीले स्श्रिमान लाई भनिछ 
श्रीमति - नुहाऐर एउटा तौलिया मात्र बेरेर फ़र्किदा बाटामा जेठाजु भेटिनु भो
श्रिमान - अनि के गरिस त ?
श्रीमति - त्यै तौलिया निकालेर टाउको छोपे...

ear vs dick- which is straight ?

दुईजना केटिहरु chatting गर्दै

पहिलो केटि: ओई तलाई थाहा छ,
जब केटाहरु
हाम्रो नजिक आउछन उनिहरुको कान ठाडो हुन्छ
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दोश्रो केटि: तलाई फेरि कसले
भन्यो नि त्यसलाई कान
भन्छ भनेर?:D

women rub eyes when they wake up

Why do woman rub their
eyes when they woke up??
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because they do not have balls to scratch.

time schedule of nepali student

टिभी - ३ घण्टा
फेसबुक - २ घण्टा
सुत्न - १२ घण्टा
खेल्न - ३ घण्टा
साथीसंग - २ घण्टा
लवरसंग -२ घण्टा
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अनि पढाइ - "घण्टा"

why men kiss in women lips - question answer

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Q:Why do most men prefer to kiss
a woman's lips?

Ans:That's da
best way to shut woman's
horizontal lips and open the
vertical one

मिसको ब्लाउजका बटन खुलेछन।

कक्षामा पढाउदै गर्दा मिसका ब्लाउजका अगाडिका दुई बटन खुलेछन।
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यो देखेर कक्षामा रहेका दुई
बिद्यार्थि पेट मिचिमिचि हासेछन।
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मिसः( रिसाउदै) चुप लाग्छौ कि निकालु
दुईटै लाई बाहिर... ?

teacher student - what type of lecture do you want ? [hindi joke]

[hindi joke]


Teacher to student-: 
Lecture kaisa hona chahiye?

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Student-
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.Mini skirt jaisa, taaki - jaruri topic cover bhi ho jaye ...... aur sabka interest bhi bana rahe. .:-ppp

good date vs awesome date - ends with what what?

A good date end with good dinner.....
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but awesome date end after a breakfast....
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who ever understand hit like...aru haru ooggy n cockroses herna jau

principal kissing madam - AIDS doesn't transmit by kissing

principal enter the classroom n kiss madam..n said: see children aids does not transmitt through kissing..
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student: sir plzz show us how does it transmitt also..

employee and boss - drop my daughter home

Employee: Sir, you called me?
Boss: Yeah, Go to the restroom and masturbate.
Employee (after few minutes): Done sir. 
Boss: Do it again.
Employee:Done it again.
Boss: Do it once more.
Employee: Now I don't have much stamina for it sir. 
Boss: Very good. Here's the keys of my car. Drop my daughter home

A 13 year girl at a bra shop...

A 13 year girl at a bra shop...
Girl-show me bra
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Shop keeper-36"?
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Girl-smaller .
Shop keeper-32"?
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Girl-smaller
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Shop keeper-24"? .
Girl-smaller
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Shop keeper-20"?
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Girl-smaller .
Shop keeper(in angry)-madam u take some
cream it must b a pimple....... :P

at honeymoon - only kiss- no bath next morning.. hurray

सुहागरात का दिन केटाले 

wife लाई kiss मात्र गरेर सुत्यो । 

भोली पल्ट बिहान सासुले 

भनिन:- बुहारी मन्दिर जानी हो ??

जानु भन्दा पहिला नुहाउनु ल । 

बुहारिले रिसाउदै :- सासु जि..!

अरु सबै साफ छ .!

खाली brush मात्र गरे पुग्छ :P

lesbian girl's dating and mom's suggestion

Worried Mother gives her daughter a pack of condoms before
her date
Girl Laughs, hugs her mother & says
"You have to change your mind mom, its 21'st century....
I'm dating Julie, give me some carrots instead..."

the last chicken in restaurant

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. 
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. 
You see, that police officer who is sittingat the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. 
The problem is,this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!" The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. 
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. 
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen andlisten good. 
That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same toyou. 
You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one ofyours. 
You break one of itswings, I'll break one of your arms!" 
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. 
He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"

A girl in short dress

Girl (in short dress) : I am looking young ;) 
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Boy : take off that also...you will look like a new born baby....xP=P

a guy in lady's restroom

a guy in a hurry enters the ladies toilet...
lady inside screams...
n she says "this is for ladies" .
..guy opens his zipper 
.....n says "this is for ladies too"