Worried Mother gives her daughter a pack of condoms before
her date
Girl Laughs, hugs her mother & says
"You have to change your mind mom, its 21'st century....
I'm dating Julie, give me some carrots instead..."
Apr 27, 2012
the last chicken in restaurant
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake.
You see, that police officer who is sittingat the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish.
The problem is,this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!" The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen andlisten good.
That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same toyou.
You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one ofyours.
You break one of itswings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it.
He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake.
You see, that police officer who is sittingat the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish.
The problem is,this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!" The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen andlisten good.
That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same toyou.
You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one ofyours.
You break one of itswings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it.
He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"
old lady, conductor and peanuts
Once there was an old lady....
She was a regular passenger of a bus.. S
he always gave peanuts to the conductor while she was travelin thru bus..
The conductor thought that she was very loving..
He onced asked the old lady..
Conductor: why do u always give me peanuts to eat when u come in bus instead of eating urself??
OLD lady: (happily) wat to do son....i m old n my teeths r broken..
So i cannot chew the peanuts...
But i just taste it and u know we sudn't throw the food.. So i give it to u.. :p
She was a regular passenger of a bus.. S
he always gave peanuts to the conductor while she was travelin thru bus..
The conductor thought that she was very loving..
He onced asked the old lady..
Conductor: why do u always give me peanuts to eat when u come in bus instead of eating urself??
OLD lady: (happily) wat to do son....i m old n my teeths r broken..
So i cannot chew the peanuts...
But i just taste it and u know we sudn't throw the food.. So i give it to u.. :p
pakistani boy in american school
A pakistani boy get admit in the American school.
Teacher:What is your name ? Boy...
Boy:Mye name is Ahman.....
Teacher:Now u r in America u should puT Ur name like american eg:jonny
Boy :ok mam
Then the boy went to the house after school
Dad:how was ur 1st day? My son Ahman
Boy:Now mye name iz johnny Not ahman.
Them he get bitted by his parents...
IN School
Teacher: How are you johnny?
Boy:I m nt fyn mam
After the 24 hrs i became American i was attacked by 2 pakistani......:-P
Teacher:What is your name ? Boy...
Boy:Mye name is Ahman.....
Teacher:Now u r in America u should puT Ur name like american eg:jonny
Boy :ok mam
Then the boy went to the house after school
Dad:how was ur 1st day? My son Ahman
Boy:Now mye name iz johnny Not ahman.
Them he get bitted by his parents...
IN School
Teacher: How are you johnny?
Boy:I m nt fyn mam
After the 24 hrs i became American i was attacked by 2 pakistani......:-P
vacuum salesman and no electricity
VACUUM SALESMAN: If i dont clean this up in the next 5min with my new powerful vacuum cleaner,i will eat all this shit(bag of cow shit on the carpet)
WOMAN:do u need tomato or chili sauce for that?
VACUUM SALESMAN:why ma'am
WOMAN:Because there is no electricity in the house.
WOMAN:do u need tomato or chili sauce for that?
VACUUM SALESMAN:why ma'am
WOMAN:Because there is no electricity in the house.
A girl in short dress
Girl (in short dress) : I am looking young ;)
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Boy : take off that also...you will look like a new born baby....xP=P
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Boy : take off that also...you will look like a new born baby....xP=P
difference between mechanical & software engineer
Sir: "What is Difference between
mechanical & software engineer?"
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Student: “A mechanical engineer can
become a mechanic but a
software engineer cannot
become a software!”
...
Sir fainted... :P
mechanical & software engineer?"
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Student: “A mechanical engineer can
become a mechanic but a
software engineer cannot
become a software!”
...
Sir fainted... :P
boy woman and boss - value of oneself - joke
A little boy went to a telephone Booth,
which was at the cash counter of a store,
...and dialed a number.
...The store-owner observed
and listened to the Conversation:
Boy:
"Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line):
"I already have someone to cut my lawn.."
Boy:
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price
than the person who cuts your lawn now.."
Woman:
"I'm very satisfied with the person
who is presently cutting my lawn.."
Boy: (with more perseverance):
"Lady, I'll even sweep the floor
and the stairs of your house for free.."
Woman:
"No, thank you.."
With a smile on his face,
the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this,
walked over to the boy.
Store Owner:
"Son..., I like your attitude;
I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a Job.."
Boy : "No thanks.."
Store Owner:
"But you were really pleading for one..!"
Boy:
"No Sir, I was just checking
my performance at the job I already have.
I am the one who is working for that Lady I was talking to..!"
-This is called
"Self Appraisal..".. :)
which was at the cash counter of a store,
...and dialed a number.
...The store-owner observed
and listened to the Conversation:
Boy:
"Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line):
"I already have someone to cut my lawn.."
Boy:
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price
than the person who cuts your lawn now.."
Woman:
"I'm very satisfied with the person
who is presently cutting my lawn.."
Boy: (with more perseverance):
"Lady, I'll even sweep the floor
and the stairs of your house for free.."
Woman:
"No, thank you.."
With a smile on his face,
the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this,
walked over to the boy.
Store Owner:
"Son..., I like your attitude;
I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a Job.."
Boy : "No thanks.."
Store Owner:
"But you were really pleading for one..!"
Boy:
"No Sir, I was just checking
my performance at the job I already have.
I am the one who is working for that Lady I was talking to..!"
-This is called
"Self Appraisal..".. :)
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