Aug 4, 2012
alligator shoes for blonde girls - a joke
A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
Some funny English jokes - iraq, husband and Ferrari
Joke : I don't want to go to Iraq either
--------------------
A soldier ran up to a nun, out of breath, he asked,
“Please may I hide under your skirt? I’ll explain
later”. The nun agreed.
A moment later two military police ran up and
asked, “Sister have you seen a soldier?”
The nun replied, "He went that way. ”
After thy ran off, the soldier crawled out from
under the skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough
sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq. ”
The nun said she understood completely.
The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you
have a great pair of legs.”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher,
you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t
want to go to Iraq either
Cheating' husband and suspecting wife
----------------------------
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.
Jun 24, 2012
some english jokes
A)
A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, "Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality."
His dad says, "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars."
He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, "Dad, she said, 'Yes!".
"OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question."
A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, "Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality."
His dad says, "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars."
He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, "Dad, she said, 'Yes!".
"OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question."
some funny nepali jokes
अध्ययनका समयमा क्लासको फस्टबेन्चमा बस्नेहरू : प्रश्नपत्र एकदमै गाह्रो आको हो, तर पनि ९५ त आउँछ ।
सेकेन्ड बेन्चर्स : हे, एउटा कोइसन त भ्याइएन हौ,
थर्ड बेन्चर्स : स्योर पास भइन्छ
फोर्थ बेन्चर्स : हे भगवान !! प्लिज हेल्प मि
लास्ट बेन्चर्स : गार्डचाहिँ साँच्चिकै सेक्सी हो यार, परीक्षाको ३ घन्टा समय बितेको पत्तै भएन।
सेकेन्ड बेन्चर्स : हे, एउटा कोइसन त भ्याइएन हौ,
थर्ड बेन्चर्स : स्योर पास भइन्छ
फोर्थ बेन्चर्स : हे भगवान !! प्लिज हेल्प मि
लास्ट बेन्चर्स : गार्डचाहिँ साँच्चिकै सेक्सी हो यार, परीक्षाको ३ घन्टा समय बितेको पत्तै भएन।
a hindu man in USA get heart attack - joke
A Hindu MAN In USA Falls On Road
Due To Heart Attack..
Ambulance Picks Him Up, he Starts
Chanting
Hari Om..
Hari Om..
Ambulance Reaches His House..
Wife Screams : "Why Did You Not
Take Him To Hospital ? "
Dr Replies- "He Kept Saying Hurry
Home,Hurry Home"
Due To Heart Attack..
Ambulance Picks Him Up, he Starts
Chanting
Hari Om..
Hari Om..
Ambulance Reaches His House..
Wife Screams : "Why Did You Not
Take Him To Hospital ? "
Dr Replies- "He Kept Saying Hurry
Home,Hurry Home"
Modern - remix ramayan - sms to Sita from Ram
Modern रामायणमा
रामको sms सिता लाई
प्रिय सितु, ...
म यहाँ मस्त छु ! and i hope तिमि पनि झक्कास छौ होला !!
लक्ष्मन् ले जहिले पनि तिमीलाई मिसगर्छ ! यार तिमि टेन्सन नलेउ म तिमीलाई छिटो भन्दा छिटो रावणको बाट छुटाएर ल्याउछु !
मैले NTC को सिम लेको छु !! अनि रावण को नम्बर मा कल गरेर मैले धेरै गाली देको छु !
साले ले battery low भयो भनेर फोन नै काटी दियो !
मैले तिमीलाई micromax को 30days battery dual सिम वाला mobile अनि 1GB कार्ड sad song हालेर मिस्टर हनुमान को साथ मा पठाउदै छु !
यसमा net surfing पनि छ ! अब तिमि र म net calling को मजा पनि लिन पाउछौ लक्ष्मन् topup कार्ड लिन गएको छ !
अनि सुनमैले बिभुसन लाई फेसबुक मा add गरेको छु लंका मा के हुदै छ सबै कुरा status मा अपडेट गर्दिन्छ !!
लौ त पछी chat मा कुरा गरौला bye
sweet heart
रामको sms सिता लाई
प्रिय सितु, ...
म यहाँ मस्त छु ! and i hope तिमि पनि झक्कास छौ होला !!
लक्ष्मन् ले जहिले पनि तिमीलाई मिसगर्छ ! यार तिमि टेन्सन नलेउ म तिमीलाई छिटो भन्दा छिटो रावणको बाट छुटाएर ल्याउछु !
मैले NTC को सिम लेको छु !! अनि रावण को नम्बर मा कल गरेर मैले धेरै गाली देको छु !
साले ले battery low भयो भनेर फोन नै काटी दियो !
मैले तिमीलाई micromax को 30days battery dual सिम वाला mobile अनि 1GB कार्ड sad song हालेर मिस्टर हनुमान को साथ मा पठाउदै छु !
यसमा net surfing पनि छ ! अब तिमि र म net calling को मजा पनि लिन पाउछौ लक्ष्मन् topup कार्ड लिन गएको छ !
अनि सुनमैले बिभुसन लाई फेसबुक मा add गरेको छु लंका मा के हुदै छ सबै कुरा status मा अपडेट गर्दिन्छ !!
लौ त पछी chat मा कुरा गरौला bye
sweet heart
A man escapes from prison - jokes
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Five Important Qualities of a good wife
Five Important Qualities of a good wife - a joke
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
joke - I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber.
Some funny mature jokes
A)A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house and the girlfriend said to her mom, "Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mom says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun."
When they are up their the mom hears: "Baby baby baby oh!"
The mom walks to the door and ask, "What the hell is going on?"
The girl says, "Mom were just having s*x." and the mom says, "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber.
B)
A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The man slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.
"You b*stard," the man says," my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
A)A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house and the girlfriend said to her mom, "Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mom says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun."
When they are up their the mom hears: "Baby baby baby oh!"
The mom walks to the door and ask, "What the hell is going on?"
The girl says, "Mom were just having s*x." and the mom says, "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber.
B)
A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The man slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.
"You b*stard," the man says," my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
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